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Changing to old
Nov. 23rd, 2008 | 09:26 pm
with the musical i'm doing costumes for,
and writing music, and just keeping myself alive,
it's hard to remember to come here.
i only seem to write when i talk to bleue,
i'm pretty sure you're the only one who reads this anyways.
I have no idea what the hell i'm doing on here anyways
i'm going to do something productive.
je t'aime.
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you're counting days on the back of your hands
Oct. 11th, 2008 | 08:41 pm
It's been weeks, since i've posted, since i've given any form of update,
writing by hand has been much more convinient, but i guess this will do.
anything important has been
-turning 16
-moving
-starting school
-making the best friends
-making enemies the first week
-losing myself
I tried so hard, to stay how I was, but when i got here, i lost myself on the trip apparently. I have turned into someone I don't recognize. The friends I had before I moved have noticed the change, they say there's something different. Something slightly not right. Nothing too big, but a change none the less. I feel like such an animal.
I'm not the girl I was,
I need to retrace my steps and find my lost soul.
"I'll run, until my feet don't touch the ground, and as the wings carry me out, keep listening, i'll never make a sound"
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here we go again;
Jul. 13th, 2008 | 10:57 pm
mood: 
calm
Jesus Christ, I need help.
I mean, i'm terrified shitless of getting hurt again, but it's whatever, you have to take chances.
blah, it'll be fine,
i promise.
"i find it kind of funny, i find it kind of sad; the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had"
donnie darko = greatest movie ever, besides fight club, american psycho, drop dead fred, and the fox and the hound.
mkay, i'm really in a happy mood,
it's just hard to tell sometimes,
i love it when people think i'm a bitch, and that all i want to do is hurt them,
when in all reality i'm the nicest girl there is, until i get pissed.
but it's their problem, not mine.
sleep's been coming easier lately,
i'm so thankful for that,
because now i'm not like a zombie,
i'm getting some color back in my eyes.
it's nice to know everything is getting better.
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Running;
Jul. 8th, 2008 | 03:17 am
mood: 
blank
I've been hurt, and I've been hurt some more, someone to stay and actually be there for me, has never happened, and I'm honestly begining to doubt it ever will.
Being how I am, makes this even harder for me, I like to try and keep my head up, but when all you see is everything you want, it gets harder and harder with each passing day.
Counting down the days, until I can leave, until I can run, and no one can stop me helps. because it gives me hope, I have something to look forward to.
On a brighter note, these people are looking at the house, and I'm pretty sure they're going to make an offer, which means i can move sooner.
It should be two weeks or so, and I'll be up there.
Excited, doesn't cover my feelings.
Meeting people is refreshing, to know that there are people out there that aren't all bad, but when all of them seem to be so far away, it makes me want to just be everywhere at once.
Finding just one person who is likeminded is just, the most amazing feeling,
and even if he does live 1000 miles away, i know we'll keep in touch, because he's the only person who has fully understood me in many many years, if ever
Going back, and reading in my journals, what i've written, is so bittersweet,
From my previous "relationships", to stupid fights.
I really am happy I've gone through what I have.
It's made me who I am,
and I'm begining to realize, that it's not as bad as I try to believe.
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we meet again;
Jun. 11th, 2008 | 12:27 am
mood: 
cold
i can't help but wonder, what's going to happen to me. i mean...in these next few weeks, i'm leaving 15 years behind me, and moving to a new town. where i don't really know anyone. i'm leaving my best friend of 4 years, my house. now, i'm stoked because i hate it here, but when i think about it, i'll actually miss this hell hole, maybe just a little..
i'm trying so damn hard, to figure out why i think like i do; why i constantly think of the worst things that could happen, why i never let anyone inside. what happened, where did it go like this, i need answers, that no one can give me; not even myself.
there's not a day that goes by, when i don't feel lonely, and want that super perfect movie love, and i want to be famous, and i want to just do it all. the things i know can't happen, are the things closest to my heart. it's so hard when you know, if you try, you'll crash and burn. but it's just too hard not to.
i know how i should act, and i should be more considerate of other people, but i can't... not now, not after all of the things that have happened. just this year, i've become more cold hearted, than i would have ever dreamt.
i need something, someone, anything, new. to wake me up, from this never ending dream nightmare, show me what i need to see. i'm sick of crying to myself, hiding all emotions from anyone else. i want to go back, when everything was just so easy, and i didn't have to worry about anything. when boys had cooties, and i never wanted to change out of my flower dress and bow. i'm sick of having to worry about if the next person i meet will fuck me over,
i want something
i need something
i just have no idea what...